Old Jim

I know of many decent folk,
In fact, they’re ten a penny.
Then there’s Jim, a jolly bloke,
And he’s as good as any.

A proper gent, he’ll never spit,
With a lady on his arm;
Unless, of course, she’s used to it,
Why, then he sees no harm.

He’ll offer you his final fag -
It’s kept behind his ear.
It’s getting rather manky now,
It’s been there for a year.

He’s a strict regime for keeping clean
In a bath that’s steaming hot.
He has one every New Year’s Day,
If he feels the need, or not.

And every month he’ll change his socks,
And usually change his shirt.
(He’ll wear his pants for longer,
For they don’t show the dirt.)

He never touches alcohol:
Before his morning cuppa,
To which he likes to add some gin
Left over from his supper.

Old Jims are now in short supply;
In fact, they’re getting fewer.
But decent folk need some around,
Like roses need manure.

The bandwagon

I hurriedly jumped on the bandwagon,
It seemed to be going my way.
But when I peered in, it was full to the brim
With people who’d climbed on that day.

I scrambled inside, keen for the ride,
But there wasn’t a place to relax.
With so many people crammed in there
It’s a wonder it didn’t collapse.

“Where are we going?” asked one,
“What are we going to do?”
Some there made out they had answers,
But no-one, in truth, had a clue.

“But at least we’re aboard!” said another,
“Although it’s a bit of a crush!”
Then it dawned, we were all in a wagon,
Going nowhere at all, in a rush.

For the wagon just went round in circles
Until, finally, the driver said “Stop!”
We all looked around, quite embarrassed,
And, sheepishly, slowly got off.

HUMPTY DUMPTY

Humpty Dumpty had a big fall
Humpty Dumpty made a quick call
straight to his lawyers, who put in a claim
naming the Council and placing the blame
squarely on them, for building the wall,
from which Humpty Dumpty had such a fall.

The Council paid up, for they'd failed to install
a big warning sign, on top of the wall.
Humpty's in bits, but he doesn't care,
now Humpty Dumpty's a millionaire.