Pets

I've never had a parrot
A spider or gnu.
I've never owned a terrapin,
Or ever wanted to.

I've never kept a wallaby,
A goldfish or a bee.
For every living thing there is
Is better being free.

I did though have a flu bug once,
But that was not much fun.
I kept it for a week or two,
Then gave it to my mum.

The wheelie bins are waiting…

The wheelie bins are waiting
On every street in town,
Waiting for the bin men
To tip them upside down
And empty out, into the truck,
A fortnight’s trash, or more,
Stuff that’s overflowing,
And falling to the floor.
They stand there, constipated-
Could things get much worse?
Three weeks now, they’ve waited,
Each one fit to burst.
Standing in the ice and snow
It wheelie is no fun,
The wheelie bins are waiting,
But the bin men still don’t come…

The Queen

The Queen’s popping round for a visit,
She’s not been to see us for years.
She used to nip over with Philip,
Put her feet up, and have a few beers.

Their kids would all play in the bedroom,
We’d let them get out some old toys,
Then yell up the stairs at those young royal heirs
To stop making QUITE so much noise.

But Her Highness, of late, has been busy,
And she’s had a tough time with the press.
She’s had a few royal engagements,
And we’ve been at fault, I confess,

For, as our neighbours have told us,
She’s called and we haven’t been home,
Or I’d not heard the door (I’d been hoovering the floor)
- You’d think she’d alert us by phone.

But this time arrangements are sorted,
There’s loads of good stuff on TV,
We’ve got in some pork pie and pickle,
And said she can stop here for tea.